• Family members may be hurt when the addict refuses their help and care. This will lead the family to try even harder to get what they want. Unfortunately it seems that the harder they try, the worse the situation becomes and so a destructive spiral is created and everyone is trapped.
• Communication becomes impossible and everybody becomes isolated in their own secret pain; it becomes far too dangerous to talk about what is really happening, or to feel real feelings.

How can I Help?

Very often this question is met with the response “You can't! There is nothing you can do!” This is only true in one sense. It is probably the case that direct attempts to stop or control the addicts' drinking or drugging are futile. However once the fear of change has been faced, the focus can be moved away from the addict to the other members of the family. If one member of the system can change and maintain the change, others eventually have to follow suit. Sometimes it is the addict who instigates this change by seeking help and treatment, sometimes it is another member of the family. Whosoever begins the healing process, it is vital that the other players begin to take responsibility for the part they have played in the problem, and start to take ownership of the solution.